As you may recall, International Talk Like a Pirate Day is one of our favorite holidays of the year. It is a day when our innate silliness is condoned and our only concern is to have a little bit of fun. And we all know we can never have enough of that in our lives.
Since we look forward to the celebration soooo much, and I love to bring the Booty in for my co-workers, I planned ahead.
This was mistake #1. The past few years, we have bought the Booty the night before or the morning of TLaPD and it isn't a problem. Well, this year we bought 2 HUGE bags from Costco and I stored them in the pantry. We left in a hurry this morning, and what do you think I left in the pantry? If you guessed soup, you would be correct. But not all together on the right subject. If you guessed Booty, you would be absolutely correct!
This is how it played out... I drop Lo off at work. I cranked up the tunes and race off to work. At 16 minutes after 8, I pull into the parking lot. I park the car. And that's when I start feeling a little bit empty-handed. I am not taking anything into the office. This is odd. I usually have a messenger bag or lunch or something with me. But that wasn't all I was missing. I knew there was something else. I approached the door when it hit me like a ship hitting shore on a foggy night. I FORGOT ME BOOTY!!!!! ARRRRRRRGH!!!!
I was not a happy pirate. I stormed into the office and told the landlubbers to leave me alone. When some of the local wenches tried to calm my spirits with rum, I pushed it aside and told them that I was not a worthy pirate. How on earth could a pirate by the name of Cap'n Jack Bloodbucket forget that it was International Talk Like a Pirate Day??? And how on earth could this pirate forget to bring in the booty for his horde? Aye, it was quite the fright.
I decided instead of walking the plank, I would try to redeem myself. I would raise the Jolly Roger flag and be proud of the day. I could make this right. My heart was still in it afterall. I started calling my co-workers by their new pirate names (which I found for them at this handy-dandy site). The Jolly Roger (which I hung using tape and staples like any good office pirate would) flew proudly from the ceiling over my cube! This Will Be the Best TLaPD EVER! Turns out, this is Mistake #2.
Now, it just so happens that I had to leave me post on me ship to run home and meet the roofers who have yet to fix our leaky roof. As I drive home on my speed boat, I practice ways to tell them to "Walk the plank!" while still maintaining some sense of me dignity. After much adieu, I decide that it might be safest if I suppress me pirate persona for an hour or so. After all, I already missed a few perfectly good pirate hours this morning. So, another hour of talking like a "normal" adult might be the best thing at this point. (The good thing about all of this is that while I was at home talking normally with the roofers, I could capture the missing booty I spoke of earlier, and bring it back with me to the office.)
Once I finished me business with the blasted roofers, I get back on board me ship with me Booty firmly in tow. All of a sudden, I see a blinky light on me telephone (This is the 21st cent. and I have a very high tech ship). Curses. Cap'n Poopypants says -- since he is in command -- I can't hang my flag in these parts. I can either accept his challange and fight, or I can simply take down the flag and hang it on my ship's wall where it will be less obvious.
After much thought, and a bit of pirate frustration, I choose the easy (and less bloody) path. I take me flag and I hang it up in me cube. After all, I've fought me enough battles today already!!
Whew! What a day to be a pirate! I hope ye all have a splendid day! And don't forget the Booty or the bottle of Rum!
Cap'n Jack Bloodbucket